I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize