Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
