he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
