the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
