: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
