i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
