I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
high people should be assigned attendants
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
