My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
