ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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