If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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