Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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