meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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