I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
