laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
