I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
