well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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