One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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