chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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