he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
