I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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