someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
