I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
