just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize