i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
