She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
