I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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