apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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