someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
