Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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