the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
