I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
