shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
