Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
