just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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