dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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