So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
