I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
