he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize
