Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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