Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
