Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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