So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
