two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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