I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
