Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
