i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
