ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
