she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
