can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
