I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
