When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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