Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
