Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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