And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you never un-have a 4some
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize