We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
