He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
