do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
