i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
God, I missed his penis.
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