All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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