8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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