watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
