She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
