last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
