I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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