My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
