I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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