Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
