I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
