Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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