Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
