So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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