I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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