Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
