I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
