We got so high we made milksteak
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
