just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize