Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
