can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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